1/48th scale 208 Sqn. BAe Hawk T1, 90th Anniversary scheme

Formula 1 spying thingy
We've heard a lot about this story. Well, I say 'we'. I've heard a lot about this, and so have other people who follow motorsport. Anyway, my point (I think) is that we (I) have heard a lot about this story, bouncing backwards and forwards, and yet no-one has seemed all that keen to ask how Coughlan actually got hold of the Ferrari dossier. Has he gone from engineer to master sneak theif? I'm guessing that's fairly unlikely, especially as he got his wife to take it to a photocopying shop for him. Have Ferrari suddenly become so lax in their security that a designer from a rival team (indeed their main rival) can just walk into their garage and nick the thing? Somehow I suspect that this, too, is highly unlikely. So, how did it come into Coughlan's possession? I don't actually have the answer to that, in case you were hoping for some sort of revelation. I think something rather odd is going on. Still, makes Formula 1 more exciting, doesn't it?

I've finally drawn another Bates Street Comic, more than a year after everyone moved out.

Non-amusing dentist story which becomes amusing
This story isn't that funny, until you get to the last line. I won't spoil it for you, just read all the way to the bottom.

Bonkers bankers

I got a call from my bank this evening. At about half past eight. That's rude, quite frankly, but I suppose they thought I might be in. It was a customer satisfaction survey. I don't get the point of these myself, but I'm sure they tell the bank all sorts of fascinating things. Who knows?

Anyway, at one point they asked me to quantify, on a scale of 0 to 100, exactly how warm I feel my relationship with the bank is. How warm? I'm sorry, what was that? It's a bank, a financial institution. You're not meant to feel all warm and fuzzy about your relationship. They take the money, they hold the money, they give the money back when you ask for it. That is the entirety of the relationship I need to have with my bank.

I don't want it to take me down the pub once in a while and ask very earnest questions about my well-being over a rapidly warming pint. This is a service my bank does not need to provide. That is, in fact, what friends (and more importantly, wives) are for. I cannot take my bank to the cinema and then rave on about the film afterwards. I cannot laugh as my bank misses a really easy pool shot in the pub. I cannot, indeed, cheer in celebration with my bank as our favourite generic sports team wins again. These are things I cannot do with my bank.

My relationship with my bank, therefore, does not need to be ranked on a scale of 0 to 100 for warmth. It is a ridiculous concept which has no place in a serious satisfaction survey. Of course, me being me, I didn't tell the nice lady on the other end of the line that. I said "about 60", and then beat myself up for furnishing them with an answer.

I had thoughts about Adelaide, and my grandparents. Thomas is feeling melancholy.

Water, water everywhere, and not a drop to drink...

Was meant to be at the Waddington Air Show at the moment, but about a mile away from the airfield we were turned away. It's off due to the bad weather. I won't pretend I'm happy about getting up at 6:45am and sitting in the car for three hours all for nothing. There have been floods here in Sheffield over the last couple of weeks. It doesn't feel like summer.

The Bates Street Comic
A few years ago (four, actually) I was living with some mates in a shared house, and created a house comic based on the goings-on in our communal dwelling. I've added these below, in the order in which they were 'published'. I won't offer any explanation - if you were there, you will understand. If not, then you will simply have to wonder. Or buy me a pint and ask me.

Interesting things you should know...
(the following numbered points are copyright BBC Top Gear magazine - buy the June 2007 issue for more. Italicised sections are my comments)

1) According to Euro NCAP, an Audi Q7 (SUV, villified) is less harmful in a pedestrian impact than a Ford Fiesta (small, 'safe' family runaround).
2) A season of F1 racing burns less fossil fuel than a single transatlantic 747 flight.
3) The Stern Report found that cars make up less than half of all transport emissions in the UK.
4) The average British home emits 1500kg more carbon dioxide per year than a Ford Focus.
5) A car carrier (the ocean-bound variety) burns 1756 tonnes of heavy fuel oil one way from Japan to the UK (that's a lot, and the worst kind, and makes the Prius - made in Japan, shipped worldwide - not suddenly so environmentally friendly. According to an earlier article, that journey adds 1 tonne of carbon dioxide emission to an average 16.5 tonnes for 100,000 miles of Prius driving, a significant amount).
6) Oxford Street is the UK's most polluted street. Most of Oxford Street's length is closed to cars.
7) Like trains, cars are only efficient when they're full. A fully loaded Discovery emits less carbon dioxide per occupant than a fully loaded Smart (of the two-seat variety).
8) Acid rain from mining nickel for Prius batteries has destroyed the landscape of Sudbury, Ontario to such an extent that NASA now uses the area to test drive its latest lunar vehicles.
9) The average saloon car is responsible for its own kerbweight in carbon dioxide per year. The average Brit accounts for 30 times their own body weight.
10) The UK's superminis emit three times as much carbon dioxide as its SUVs.
11) While 85% of cars are recycled by law, trains go unregulated with much of each heading to landfill.
12) A domestic flight emits 400g/km of carbon dioxide, four times that of a small diesel car with only the driver onboard.
13) Despite being smaller and emitting LESS CARBON DIOXIDE THAN A PRIUS, the Volkswagen Polo Bluemotion is not exempt from London's Congestion Charge.
14) Farting cows are responsible for 18% of all greenhouse gases, more than cars, planes and all other forms of transport put together.
15) A Landrover Discovery has a smaller carbon footprint than a London cab.
16) A Boeing 747 emits 400 tonnes of carbon dioxide in 24 hours. It would take 250 cars a year to achieve this.
17) Some electric cars aren't governed by today's safety legislation - I urge you to buy the magazine and see what happens when they crash test a G-Wiz. A technician is apparently heard to utter: "I see these tests every day but I've never felt sick before". Alternatively, the footage is available at www.topgear.com/gwiz.

This isn't going to persuade anyone who's already made their mind up that cars are evil, but banning them from the roads based on emissions is not going to solve the problem. It won't even make us meet the more stringent Kyoto targets. How about targetting homes and businesses instead, environmental lobbyists? Get a clue...

Every so often the little paperclip thing looks at me and raises its eyebrows, then looks at me sympathetically. It's like it knows more than a simple Office assistant should. [sigh...]