The Ambition of Authors

Like most Authors (capital 'a'), I'm fairly ambitious in the area of having a book published. This should not be mistaken for proactivity. For years, I have had ambitions of getting something out there, but have been rather lazy about it. I intend to bring a halt to this pathetic state of affairs, either by trying hard to get published, or (and this is the show-stopper, ladies and gents) by 'giving up'.

The art of 'giving up' was first introduced by the French, and had been perfected by the time Hitler swept across Europe. On hearing that he was on his way with hordes of drunk, screaming Nazis, raping and pillaging as they went (so sue me for slander, I dare you), vast swathes of France simply dropped their pants and bent over for him. To be fair, a sizable portion didn't just faint and surrender, they formed La Resistance instead, and good on them. If I was French, I'd hope to be descended from one of those guys, not one of the cheese eating surrender monkeys.

But enough about the French. They did the 'giving up' thing in style, and I could never hope to match their achievements. If I gave up on the writing thing, it would be low-key, subtle, a slow decline in the (admittedly already erratic) weekly word count, rather than a full-scale dive off the Beachy Head of writing. I would give up in such a fashion that, wait for it... you would hardly realise.

Gone would be the ambition, the drive, the constant desire to make it, replaced instead with a laissez faire (there's the French for you again, inventing whole phrases about simply not giving a shit) attitude to the world of literature which might actually see me pick up a book by an author I've not already read to death (disclaimer: no authors were harmed in the making of this library).

I would flourish, reading book after book, not letting my creative juices out, bottling them up inside so that suddenly I became the life of the party, the go-to man in a crisis of wit. And before long, I would have to start writing some of this stuff down. Maybe thinking about a book or two.

Damn. Damn it all.

Teacher Charged over Teddy Row

I'm shocked, but unfortunately not surprised by this story. I would suggest this is more likely a silly mistake than a "calculated action and another ring in the circles of plotting against Islam", as Sudanese clerics have claimed.

Whilst they have every right to enforce the law of their own country, it should perhaps be pointed out to these lads that they're coming across as rather childish, as opposed to the strength I imagine they wished to show.

The Muslim Council of Britain has commented that the bringing of charges is "a disgraceful decision and defies common sense", and it's easy to see why they're keen to be heard - they don't want Muslims in this country to the tarred by the same brush as a group of what are best described as fundamentalists. With the emphasis on the last three syllables.

Already this issue must be filling the Daily Mail readership of the Kingdom with yet more anti-Islamic feeling. Let's hope for a quick resolution to this story so they can get back to complaining about Gordon Brown instead, someone who truly deserves their ire.

Formula One Rubbish from Tom
I've been thinking about this new rule next year, where driver aids are removed from the car. Seems like a fairly sensible move to me. That's it really...















Only kidding. What I was going to get around to saying is that I think the new kids on the block, the Hamiltons of this world who have only recently graduated from GP2, might well just thrive on this idea. There are no driver aids in GP2, and as such these guys are ideally placed to take advantage of the rules. They and the drivers who've been around since before traction control was reintroduced, which is basically David Coulthard. Roll on the new season...

Well done Kimi, you deserve it...

I'm ill. I hate being ill. Being ill is officially rubbish. In fact, I'm sick of being ill. I've spent considerable time today sneezing at things, which isn't good for me, or for things. Work has been abandoned in favour of being at home, although I did actually manage to stay there until lunchtime, so yay me. Now I'm slightly bored, even with the power of blog to keep me happy. Feel the power of blog. Blog...

I really can't write right now. I was trying to write this really well-constructed argument about conspiracy theorists, but it sounded a lot better in my head while I was hanging up the washing. Damn...

Well done Angry Mr Cyclist Man

Every morning my run to work is fraught with worry as I gamefully decide precisely the right moment to cut across the last couple of metres of bus lane and get into the lane I want for a big roundabout. Seriously, this is a big issue at ten past eight in the morning.

Usually, there will be a few commuters who simply cannot be bothered to wait, and just ignore the rules, driving down the whole length of the bus lane, thereby saving themselves a vital 30 seconds or so. This morning, though, the bus lane was full. Completely.

And because it was full of cars, people began to panic, thinking they wouldn't be able to get across later, and so they joined the back of the big queue. I didn't, because I can actually stay in the right hand lane and get where I want to go, it's just usually a bit slower.

Anyway, you have the scene now - lovely long strip of green tarmac full of things which are neither buses, nor taxis, nor indeed bicycles. Cue Angry Mr Cyclist Man, who, when cut off by a car in the bus lane, proceeds to shout very loudly at the driver of said car. And then proceeds to ride off down the road, kicking the doors of all the cars queueing in the bus lane. Genius.

I smirked to myself, comfortable in the knowledge that, quite simply, I am a better person than these people for not blocking the bus lane. Yay me. And well done Angry Mr Cyclist Man.

"I could care less"
Really, could you? Then how about caring about language and actually realising that what you're saying is wrong. The phrase, please let me remind you, is, "I couldn't care less", suggesting that it would not actually be possible for you to care less about a situation than you currently do. Currently, you do not care at all. If, however, you could care less, then you certainly have some emotional involvement in the situation. I really could care less about this whole situation, because I've bothered to take time out of my hectic schedule to have a go about it. Please, for the love of the English language, get it the f*** right. AAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!

Sir Geoffrey Reed
It's odd to find out that your great grandfather has his own Wikipedia entry. I possibly should have checked out whether this was the case in the past, but I only bothered to do so today. If you have anyone even remotely famous in your past, try Wiki and see if there's something there.

Spitfire Mk. Vc Robert Stanford Tuck, Commander Biggin Hill Wing 1941